The Truth about Grammar Schools

*Written a while ago - I hope to re-write soon*

Trigger warning: contains details about mental health and suicidal thoughts.

In my last years of Primary School my life was all about one thing: the 11 plus. I knew the

rest of my life would be defined by whatever result I got in this test which I took aged 10. I

passed and went on to attend one of the best regarded state schools in the county which I

had dreamed of for years. Sadly, for me it wasn’t the passport to a dream future as I

expected. It was the start of a very difficult 5 years.

Grammar schools are public secondary schools in the UK that select their students through

exams taken at the age of 10 or 11. If they pass this test, they are deemed suitable to enrol

in a grammar school, which will cater to their assumed higher levels of ability. As an autistic,

Asian female, my experience at a grammar school was interesting. It caused lots of problems

for my emotional wellbeing and physical health. I will be diving into the good, the bad and

the ugly aspects of grammar schools, using my experience.

It’s no secret to pupils that grammar schools strive for excellent grades and can achieve

some of the best results in local areas, many students find this empowering and enjoy

knowing that they are getting an education that may be perceived as ‘better’ than a

comprehensive school. Some people struggle with the fast - paced environment and

constant pressure put on them by teachers – knowing that there are students smarter than

you in an atmosphere like this can be extremely destructive for your self esteem and ability

to cope. You can’t help but compare yourself to others in this situation. Teachers preach

that ‘grades don’t define you’ but in my personal experience, they don’t believe this.

These schools only care about numbers, results and the ability to compare themselves to other

schools and say that they are the best. I missed two years of school (my GCSE years) due to

depression, anxiety and a lot of gastrointestinal illness – only made worse by stress.

Alongside these issues, I was battling undiagnosed autism and wanting to kill myself. The

thought of school only made things worse. Members of staff designated to SEN pupils tried

to support me as best as they could. They occasionally spoke to me about my emotional

wellbeing but refused to do anything physically when I was struggling. If I was given some

counselling or coping mechanisms, I may have had a better experience, however I was

denied any help that was more than a quick chat. The truth is they wanted me back in,

therefore not risking damaging their grade average. I was never cared for.

I’m aware that I am an intelligent girl, whether people believe it or not, I am always

complimented on my high levels of ability and maturity – the school I went to treated me

like I was stupid, clearly far from the truth. I was denied counselling through school due to

the ‘list being too long’. I was on this list for 5 years. Due to my anxiety and ASD, I was

allowed to be in a separate room for my exams, this is catered for at all schools if needed.

When I was told that one of my exams would be in a hall with around 90-100 other

students, I panicked. I knew this wasn’t okay and spoke up about it, telling the assistant

headteacher (who ‘looked after me’) that I would only take the exam if in a private room – I

knew my rights and that made her angry. She told me I was rude. Trust me, if I wanted to be

rude, I would have, but some senior leaders can’t handle being told they are wrong.

Racism in a school where students are mostly people of colour

Considering almost all students were POC, the treatment of us was inexcusable. White

students were clearly favoured and all senior staff members were Caucasian with

conservative views in society.

Micro – aggressions were experienced by many girls. I was asked if my parents spoke English and after hearing my dad was born in Pakistan, many teachers assumed he was unfit to be a parent. These statements may often seem slight but they allow you to see the true colours in this environment. I know others have experienced much worse.

As most people are aware, a movement called Black Lives Matter sparked the world in 2020,

everyone spoke about it. Some of the girls in my year group decided to write “BLM” on their

face masks to spread awareness on the matter and show our support. It may have been a

little gesture, yet it made news in Kent – not the good kind of news. All students were asked

to remove their face coverings and if they refused, they were put in isolation until they did

so. Senior leadership claimed the BLM movement was ‘too political’ yet not even a week

later, the Deputy Head asked us about the American election. Clearly speaking up against

racism is more political than actual politics.

I had 5 genuinely good teachers across the 5 years of school. The teaching is subpar, the

subjects are the same as other schools. Everyone learns the same content however

grammar schools have some extremely clever pupils. They don’t need a good teacher to do

well, they have the curriculum and teach it to themselves most of the time. They have good

revision strategies and use textbooks – textbooks are the only reason I passed all my GCSEs.

I’d personally say that Grammar Schools are a waste of time and a waste of energy. You will

only survive in one if you have zero levels of anxiety, never get stressed out, can deal with

constant pressure and can stay motivated alone. I wouldn’t recommend it to my worst

enemy. Looking back, I made so many incredible friends – the girls were all lovely and we all

cared for each other and stuck together for what was right however it wasn’t worth the

mental health problems, all caused from that hellhole.

So much is wrong with this system: SEN staff didn’t answer important emails, I was told not

to apply to other schools for sixth form but then got humiliated in front of everyone on

enrolment day when the assistant headteachers told me I wasn’t good enough to stay on

and made me walk out in front of everyone. I was told that being Autistic wasn’t an excuse

for needing extra support and preferring a familiar environment. What I have spoken about

is only a handful of the experiences that I faced, bear in mind I’m one person. Despite the

negativity the school caused me, I can thank them for doing me a favour. I can now be me

and I’m liberated. Without the school holding me back, I am able to spread awareness for

issues that I believe deserve a voice.

Thousands of children struggle with similar issues or worse. If you’re struggling with school,

reach out to those that care about you. I can offer some advice so let me know if it is

needed and we can chat.

Helplines are below if needed.

https://www.childline.org.uk/

https://www.samaritans.org/

https://www.youngminds.org.uk/